Q. What does a solar eclipse and the Kentucky Derby have in common?
A. They both last two minutes and if you go to the bathroom you could miss the whole thing.
Since I’ve practically given up on a Led Zeppelin reunion tour happening in my lifetime I’m having to settle for the consolation prize of the Solar Eclipse Tour coming to Nashville.
I have to give the Solar Eclipse Tour marketing department credit because they’ve been hyping this show for months now. And the merchandise division is rocking it. They’ve got t-shirts, posters, and even special glasses.
Speaking of the special glasses, just yesterday I teamed up with the guys from ZZ Top and together we re-worded the lyrics from their 1979 hit “Cheap Sunglasses”.
When you get up in the morning and the light has hurt your head
The first thing you do when you get up out of bed
Is get your yourself to Wal-Mart and try to beat the masses
And go get yourself some eclipse glasses.
Oh yea, oh yea, oh yea
When the moon blocks the sun and the daytime turns to night
If you stare at it wearing Ray Bans you’re likely go blind.
So do yourself a favor and you can save your retinas.
Yea, go get yourself some eclipse glasses
Oh yea, oh yea, oh yea
Now go out and get yourself some paper sun shades
With tinted plastic lens and a zero fashion grade.
Your corneas will thank you, your iris won’t burn to ashes
If you go get yourself some eclipse glasses
Oh yea, Oh yea, Oh yea……
My Eclipse Playlist
Speaking of music, I’ve created a special Solar Eclipse Playlist to help me get psyched up for the big event. I’ve recorded the tunes onto a cassette tape so I can play it in my Walkman.
Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler)
Blinded By The Light (Manfred Mann)
Eclipse (Pink Floyd)
Ain’t No Sunshine (Bill Withers)
Sunglasses At Night (Corey Hart)
Bad Moon Rising (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me (Elton John)
Moon Shadow (Cat Stevens)
Dancing in the Dark (Bruce Springsteen)
My Eclipse Issues
I do have a few issues with the Solar Eclipse Tour, however. First of all, whose idea was it to schedule the eclipse during the workweek? It’s in the middle of the day on a Monday! Some of us have to work, you know. And INSIDE an office, no less. This was just poor planning if you ask me.
Secondly, what if the weather doesn’t cooperate? What if it’s really cloudy and rainy that day, and we can’t see a blessed thing? It’s not like they can just reschedule it for the next day like it’s a washed-out NASCAR race.
Thirdly, I want to know if can I get a refund for these stupid glasses if I keep the receipt.
Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Franklin
(www.ramonpressontherapy.com) and the author of several books. Reach him at [email protected].